C: Coco,
the Electronic Monkey Wizard and I am in M or A?
C: No, first, we must inspect the audio recording unit. This is Man or Astroman? taking full advantage of our technological capabilities to inspect this audio device. The Panasonic, what's the numbers on this? I'm not familiar with this unit. Well, all right. I can't give full authorization on the clarity of the good recording of this or the fact that M or A? will even appear on this later, but I hope you have a good memory. Otherwise, I'll let it roll from here. You can take over.
SM: Thanks. Now, you are?
C: Coco,
the Electronic Monkey Wizard and I am in M or A?
SM: What's your function?
C: Well, that's a good question. I'm not much of a function guy, I'm more of a form kind of guy. Know what I'm saying? But I do a bit of the low-end flow frequency modulation on that four string low modulation unit. I also do some of the ultra high frequencies on the high frequency generation equipment and assorted sampling. And to my left...
D: I'm Dexter X from the planet Q. We're M or A? and we'll be providing the entertainment for you all this evening.
SM: If you're from planet Q...
D: I'm from planet Q. I'm much apart from the rest of M or A?
SM: If you're from planet Q, than why were you wearing a NASA uniform?
D: Oh, that? I'm trying to um, simulate the uh, uh, the space program and get people involved with the space program so they're able to build a rocket that is sufficient enough to get me away from this country. I mean away from this planet
SM: All right.
C: He has affiliations with NASA as do we.
D: See, if we support the NASA and it gets more funny, their space travel is going to get enhanced immensely. To the degree that we'll be able to steal the rockets and be able to travel interplanetary once again. Because we've, or at least I've been crippled for a very long time. Stranded on this planet. And I wasn't born on planet Q, it's just a planet that I'm most famous for conquering. The most recent planet I've taken over is planet Q. I've mad a good name for myself there. It was a tough one. There all a little tough at first.
C: But once you break in, you're in like flyn.
D: You go to the middle like reconnaissance, then just fight your way out. I'm right in the middle right now.
SM: Is planet Q anywhere near planet Z?
D: No, it's nowhere near planet Z.
SM: No? So it doesn't go alphabetically?
D: No.
C: The whole system of your earth alpha-numerics is kind of silly. It's not planet Q as like the letter or even the word 'cue', it's like the idea q and the only way we can represent that here on earth is by the letter 'q'. It's the easiest way to do it, but there's no real correlation..
D: ...in earth language that can describe what it means. So that's about the best that we can do.
C: So we just call it planet Q basically.
SM: Is that something like Q from 'Star Trek- The Next Generation'?
C: No, that's science fiction.
D: Yeah, that's like made up.
SM: So, what are you doing on earth?
C: You haven't heard this spiel before?
SM: No.
C: Alright, hang on. We're going to have to go through this whole deal once again. They've never read a M or A? interview I see.
SM: We've never seen any.
C: You've never seen a M or A? interview? Then I can't blame you. I can't hold it against you. But Coco will now tell the epic epoch of Man or Astroman? ending inadvertently on what you call planet earth. It all started like this, there was no such thing as M or A?, there was no such thing as a band or musical anything. Entity, okay? What basically the deal was is myself (Coco), Starcrunch, Birdstuff, and some other guys we had at the time we were all out joyriding in this ship we got and we were just zipping around. We were in the Milky Way, but we were just cutting through a corner and just zipping through like if you were going from Alabama up to South Carolina and you catch the corner of Georgia kind of. Sort of similar to that. And we were zipping through and we had gotten really far away from where we were supposed to be, so we were heading back and most of the guys had gone to sleep or the equivalent thereof, and I was manning the helm all by myself. Coco behind the stick as they say. and I really had to use the bathroom bad, and we had passed basically the last place in space that you could before we had reached our destination, so I was debating what am I going to do? So I pulled the old wee-wee in the bottle trick, I'm sure you guys are familiar with that. We even use that here on earth in the ground transport. Well, I think half the population of earth is familiar with it. The old wee-wee in the bottle or the next available container that you can find. So, I whip out the old bottle and of course I'm flying at the time so it's a little tricky, if you know what I'm saying. I mean, you think handling one joystick is bad, you throw a whole new variable in. So I'm trying to work the equivalent of a whole Atari 2600 unit, and the paddles combined, next thing you know a little wee-wee misses the bottle, gets in the navigational controls, things start shorting out, sparks, craziness. Meanwhile, everybody is asleep and we start plummeting towards earth and there's nothing I can do, and we crash land in Alabama. So basically it's like here we are in Alabama you know, we had taken on some earth equivalent form. The problem is that when we came into your earth atmosphere, you have all this shit in your atmosphere like air, and the ship started breaking up everywhere and parts all over the place. So we had to come up with a good way to get around on the planet, like kind of incognito, so we could recover all the parts or so fabricate them from stuff we find. So we kind of came up with this idea, as stupid as it is, to form an indie rock band or something and the thing about it is the only transmissions we had been picking up from earth were stuff from like the 50's and 60's. Television, movies, and everything from the 50's and 60's and the radio, so we figured we'd do this band thing and we just kind of based it off of that. We hadn't compensated the fact that it takes so long for that stuff to travel to where we were out there and we thought that was the contemporary stuff going on so that's where those influences, what some people might consider retrospective, came into play. So here we are now talking with you, meanwhile, the other bunch are out scouring this area here looking for parts for the ship, because if we can get that thing working, we're outta here man. I tell ya' there's no place like home and this sure ain't home.
D: You don't want to hear my story because it's just as long and it's completely different.
C: Yeah, with Dexter X it's a different story. You see some of the members decided that they want to just go ahead and stay on this planet and they've lost their allegiance to space, so we had to get rid of them. And this guy Dexter X, I think he was doing a similar project. I think he got fucked up or something, ended up on earth and got involved with some guys who called themselves from space. He finally said he'd had enough of that and said to hell with them. And look, here comes Birdstuff, he must've found a part right here. Okay, ask Birdstuff.
SM: Did you find a part? No, we actually have a specific question for you. Are you from a lizard planet?
B: A lizard planet?
SM: Yes, because you have a tongue like Gene Simmons and can spit at least 10 feet.
B: Are you serious?
SM: Yeah, we're serious(laughter).
B: Well, I'm from a geek planet that Gene Simmons is not from. I can spit fire and I've worn the make-up, yet I've never slept with an earth girl. Gene Simmons has slept with about 5 or 6,000.
D: I think it's about 6,000.
B: 6,000 yes. I've yet to conquest an earth girl. So, that is the similarities and the dis-similarities all together wrapped up into one nice ball of entropy for you. So, there it is. Exclusive. Okay, next question. Ask me another one.
SM: Do you watch the 'X-Files' and do you have a favorite episode?
B: Has that been asked yet?
SM: Nope.
B: Yes, I do watch the 'X-Files' and if I did ever sleep with an earth girl it would be Gillian Anderson(Scully) and I have yet to do that, but I plan to do that. I plan to get inside that raincoat and uh, favorite episode? Geez, as hokey as the ones are with the aliens, the alien ones are always cheezier, I like those. The season finale was really good, and I'm really kind of in the mist of awaiting what's going to happen. And I like all the bacterial ones, where any kind of goo happens. I love goo, I love gak, I love the ickiness.
Waiter: I want to do this all at once and get everyone's order.
B: What is this?(referring to Coco's plate) Is this individual food?
C: This is pasta.
D: This is Roswell food. It's all vegetarian.
B: It's all vegetarian? Okay ask me about Roswell. You know what that stuff Roswell was? That material they couldn't identify? It was Coco's toilet paper.(everyone laughs) Okay ask me another question, I have food in my mouth.
SM: Do you think Zorak is a mantis or a locust?
B: What?
SM: Is Zorak from Space Ghost a mantis or a locust?
B: Oh, I think he's a mantis. He just has that mantis look about him. He can't play keyboards worth shit though can he?
SM: No, but you can never tell, because sometimes he says he's a locust and sometimes he says he's a mantis. He says he's the lone locust of the universe.
B: Ask me another one.
SM: What's your favorite movie monster/creature and what city or cities would you like see destroyed?
B: I don't know. You know who I'm really into because he's good and multi-colored, is Jet Jaguar from Godzilla vs. Megalon. As I'm choking on my pasta, but you know, you gotta go with the old stand-by though. You can't beat a flying space turtle, so I have to say Gameron.
D: But he's kind of good and bad too.
B: What was part b?
D: What city would you like to see Gameron destroy?
B: Auburn, Alabama.
D: I'd like to see him destroy Los Angeles, California. What city would you like to see destroyed, Coco, by Gameron?
C: By Gameron?
SM: Or any other creature.
D: Can we just say Germany?
C: I'd like to get rid of Charleston, South Carolina, no Greenville, South Carolina.
SM: So was your trip to Europe the first?
C: No, it was actually our fourth time to Europe. Since you asked.
SM: Oh. How was it?
C: It was fun, it was really good. We still have a hard time in Germany.
SM: Why?
C: Because those German guys don't speak English.
D: What I don't understand is that David Hasselhoff does great in Germany.
C: I know he does great there. Hey, where's that bread?
D: It's over here. This is Star Crunch.
B: Professional go-kart racer.
SM: So what was the problem in Germany?
B: Star-Crunch went key fishing in Nuremburg. Tell them about your key fishing prowess.
SC: Well, we had our primitive earth travel device earthlings call vans and our rocket scientist drummer being the intelligent mind he is, redneck genius, locked the metal input device
B: The key.
SC: Key. In the middle of a concentration camp of a club. We had this little sun roof.
B: Air hatch.
SC: Air hatch. About 5 inches, I got in there with the help of our faithful lounge lizard. Is this going on too long?
B: Yeah.
SC: I got the keys out of the van. But we were worried for awhile because we were in the middle of nowhere.
B: And one thing about Germany is that it's a masturbation-free zone.
C: Yeah, fuck that.
SM: Really?
D: No, we just made it up ourselves.
SM: How is it enforced?
B: We invented the super-improved Coco cosmic chastity belt.(everyone laughs)
D: Abstinence is the only safe way.
SM: So why is M or A? vegetarian?
D: We're not.
B: We're not, we eat human beings, we don't eat animals. Animals never directly want to hurt anybody. Benji, Old Yeller...
C: Yeah, but fuck them. I'll eat them anyway.
B: Bambi, Bambi's mom and dad?
D: I could eat Bambi.
SM: Are you moving to Georgia?
D: The planet Georgia?
B: You know there is a planet Georgia.
SM: Are you moving there or are you moving to the state of Georgia?
D: No we wouldn't move to the planet.
B: Did you know there's an island in Iceland called disco island? Are you aware of that? You should look into that.
SC: The planet of Georgia is where we'll be landing when we return from this live musical excursion.
B: But I'm not going, because I'm allergic to milk and everybody lactates in the planet of Georgia.
SM: Everyone?
B: Except for crazy Cooter from Hazzard county. Did you know that fried okra is from space?
D: We didn't have that on Q.
B: You took over Q like the bastard that you are.
D: Everyone has to have a hobby.
B: Yours is conquesting planetoids
D: Yeah, it's a good hobby to have, you know. It's always peaceful.
B: You have to fill the void somehow.
D: It's a peaceful revolution and I always give it back when I'm done.
SM: Are you going to conquer earth?
D: I don't know.
B: You sound so confident.
D: I'm not done planning, I just don't know.
B: Well, he's on his way.
D: I'm trying. I need help from my new friends M or A? and together we're masterminding little subliminal messages in our music and I feel we should have complete world domination by the vernal equinox.
B: Yeah, we hope so. X day is a coming. That's what they say.
D: Jump on the bandwagon now because just like anything else, you're with us or against us. If you're with us there'll be a spot in high society waiting for you. High social standards, you know. Prove your allegiance now while we're not the hip thing in town.
B: All I've got to say is either you're inside the cube or you're outside, and if you're on the outside it looks like a bunch of multi-colors and you don't know how to solve it. And if you send $5.00 for the book, you solve it and you're already fucked.
D: You've already given in. So save your money, jump aboard now.
B: Hop aboard that space junkie wagon. You know what I'm saying? You know in space for underwear instead of jockey it's space jockey.
SC: Underoos?
D: You know I wear underwear, but it's made of the same material as Wonder Woman's airplane. So you earthlings aren't able to detect it. You guys have any more questions, because we have plenty of answers.
B: I quit.
C: I've got a whole bag of tricks.
SC: Dexter X's views in no way represent the views of Man or Astroman?
D: That's right. That is very true.
SC: He's the lying bastard from outer space.
C: He hasn't partaken in the mind-meld yet.
SM: So you're actually gas forms?
C: Gaseous. Gaseous forms are the best way to describe us. You know you guys think that everything has to be on this set location in time and space, but in fact from where we're from is more transient and the key to it is that we exist in a grid sector. That's 26, we can be more specific, but we don't want to give away too much information. You can just rest on grid 26, if you're ever in the area you can look us up and we'll be more than happy to get in touch with you. Don't try to get in touch with us there. Any more questions? Let's ask them some questions.
SM: When do you plan to leave?
C: As soon as we can get that ship fixed.
SM: Any message you want to leave?
C: No, we're just here to take the planet over.
D: We don't really care to, it's just what space people do.
C: I mean everyone from space has got to conquer the planet the end up on. It's kind of how it goes
SM: Are you going to kill everyone.
C: No, no. What good would that do us? A planet full of dead people. We'll just take it over and you probably won't notice much of a difference. You may not know when it happens in fact, but we will in fact be in charge and running things from above. There's not really any message except that we'll be who you can look to for guidance. And that's Man or Astroman?